


With Healing Hands

by CelesteExTenebris



Series: Love Endures All Things [2]
Category: The Terror (TV 2018)
Genre: First Time, Frottage, Gentle Sex, John Irving is hypersensitive to touch, M/M, PWP, a tiny bit of angst and religious guilt for good measure, but Ned comforts him, but it's about the FEELS, first time in established relationship, there's still some repression and insecurity left in Johnny Boy, these two are shamelessly emotional in bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-20
Updated: 2020-10-20
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:00:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27120787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CelesteExTenebris/pseuds/CelesteExTenebris
Summary: It has been a while since John and Edward confessed their love to each other, but they have not shared a bed yet. One night, John finally decides to put his fears aside and come to Edward.
Relationships: Lt John Irving/Lt Edward Little
Series: Love Endures All Things [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2044396
Comments: 14
Kudos: 24





	With Healing Hands

John decided to visit Edward four months after they had first kissed. It took all the courage he could find within himself, and some more. He was not afraid that Edward would hurt him - no, not in a thousand years would this gentle soul do anything to cause him unnecessary pain. He trusted him with his whole heart. Yet there was so much else to fear. 

John Irving was afraid of the unknown, deadly so. Even though his wandering mind had showed him a few pictures of _what exactly_ lying with another man could entail, he was awkwardly naive towards the specifications. His own hand was he only thing that had ever given him physical release, and the thought of another's hands on him almost seemed to much. He would squirm and make a fool of himself, wouldn't he? Perhaps he would be too fast, and, oh, the shame of that...

Would Edward find him beautiful if he lay there bare, no shield of cotton and wool to hide all the imperfections he had noticed since he had started to contemplate them both _together_? He had not reflected on his physical attractivity a lot before, the thought simply not crossing his mind because it seemed somewhat vain and unnecessary, but lately his eyes were very quick to judge and did not consider him as handsome as he would like to be.

What worried him most however was still that petrifying voice in his mind that warned him that his love would damn the soul of the man he wanted to protect from all the evils in the world. They had been very close since their confession, kissed and held each other many a night and let the hours fly by. But they had done nothing that came close to the cursed word _sodomy_ yet. If John was to be banished into fire and brimstone for his inclinations then he was ready to accept it with a smile, but would it not jeopardise the man by his side, too? Edward had comforted him that one night when John broke into tears and confessed his fears to him after an extremely trying day. Told him that God had created love, was love, and that he would never allow his children to suffer for the love they felt. John had mostly believed him then. He would not have been given this heart if the Lord forbade the feelings it carried. Neither would he have been given a body that could express his love if this love was poison, did that not sound right?

After finding himself lost in deep thoughts once more this night, his body aching to be held by his lover, John made a decision. He threw his blanket aside, got up and let his feet carry him out into the narrow hallway. They had talked about this before - Edward had assured him time and time again that he would be welcomed with open arms when he finally decided to visit him. Until then, he would wait. If it took many more months, he would wait and let John take all the time he needed. And he had taken this time, cherishing Edward with other, more innocent kinds affections, always aware of how truly lucky he was. He had waited so long, so many nights in which he could have lain in the arms of his Edward and forced himself to stay in his cold, lonely bed instead. But now that he was so close, even the few seconds that it took him to reach Edward's cabin seemed too long. Could one go insane with pure want? It did surely feel so.

One last step and he stood in front of the heavy door that was surrounded by a shimmer of light. He was still awake, thank God! John pulled himself together, brushed through his hair with shaking fingers and knocked.

"Yes?" came the muffled answer from inside.

John pushed the handle down and let the door swing open.

There he sat.

Beautiful Edward, his hair tousled and a quizzical look on his face that turned into a warm smile as soon as he recognized his visitor.

"John! Come inside." he spoke silently, gesturing for the young man to enter and sit down on the bed beside him.

His feet felt as light as a feather when he stepped inside, closing the door behind him and following the gesture. As he sat down and neatly rested his hands on his knees, he suddenly found himself at a loss for words. Everything he had planned to say on this night - and it was a lot - seemed to have left his mind the moment he entered the dimly lit bedchamber of Edward Little.

"What is it, my dear? Something plaguing you?" Edward's brows furrowed as he shifted closer to John, placing one hand gently on the younger man's forearm. The candlelight flickered and casted its trembling shadows on the wooden panelling around the two men, reminiscent of those shadow theatres both had visited in their childhood.

"Did you have a nightmare again?" His voice was thick with concern, the last thing John wanted to hear tonight.

With a quick shake of his head, he turned towards Edward and said: "I missed you.", before his hands started to move on their own and grabbed the lapels of Edward's coat. 

"Only that?" Edward laughed, taken off-guard by John's sudden vigor. Concern was exchanged with warmth, and John's heart beat all the faster for it.

He remained silent for a while, locking gazes with his beloved and thinking that he could still settle for a night of quiet talk and kisses. This silly idea was swept aside in an instant.

"No, I have been thinking that... _this_... I want this, Edward. I want to be with you." He must have looked desperate, the way he threw himself against the other man, but he couldn't care less. _'I want you. I want to feel your skin on mine. I want to please you in any way possible.'_

A moment of silence followed, and John almost feared that he had been acting too needy, too wanton, that such a display of lust had repelled Edward, but his eyes stayed fixed on his and soon grew a shade of dark that John had never seen before. _This was not disgust. This was hunger._ A shudder went over John's back as strong arms embraced him and pulled him closer. 

"Are you sure?" Edward whispered with a raspiness to his voice that went straight to John's crotch and spread goosebumps over his whole body. 

"Yes." he breathed, barely audible, then repeated himself, steadier this time. "Yes, Lord knows I have had enough time to change my mind. But I have desired it every night since you allowed me to kiss you, back then on the ice. The decision to come here was made then, all I had to do was to find the courage to follow my heart to you. Edward, you have no idea how you make me feel. I want you, more than anything. I want to make you feel good. Of course..." he trailed off and loosened his grip, ever the tender man that he was. "Only if you wish so." 

"If I wish so?" Edwards' chest heaved in quiet laughter as he stroked Johns' hair. "I would have had you every day if you knocked on my door. I hoped you would." 

The silence only heightened both men's awareness of each other's bodies, full of longing, warm in their embrace. So close now. 

"And here you are." Edward whispered, hands now gently cupping his lover's face. "Tell me one more time that you want this. I need to hear it." 

John lifted his gaze, put all the love in it that he could find within him and answered: "I want to make love to you, Edward Little." 

A breathy sigh, beautiful eyes squeezed shut, and suddenly John found himself pushed into the soft matress below him. 

"Then let me give you what you desire so." Edward breathed into his ear, his jaw clenched by John's words and the lustfulness in them, something Edward would have never imagined to hear coming from this virtuous man. His lips soon found the soft spot of skin behind John's ear, a seemingly unexpected touch that let the young man draw a sharp breath. Edward smiled against his skin. If this could already coax such a reaction from John, what other rewards were waiting for him, hidden under the layers of his uniform? 

He let his mouth wander lower, gracing John's neck with kisses, then his jaw, his chin. Before he reached his rosy lips, he took a moment to withdraw and contemplate the view before him. John Irving, eyes closed and lips slightly parted, sprawled out beneath him, looked peaceful. The image sent a bittersweet sting to his heart. John did not deserve all the suffering that the world and his own mind bestowed on him. He wanted to cradle him, safely away from all pain, from all judgement and the fear of damnation. He wanted him to be at peace with himself. 

How could it be, he wondered, that _his_ touch, of all the people in the world, had the power to soothe this man? Whatever it was, he would make sure to let John, who showed such trust to him by surrendering his body so willingly, feel nothing but soul-mending love tonight. 

John meanwhile, noticing the disappointing lack of lips and ruffled sideburns against his skin, jerked his eyes open and put his hands to the nape of Edward's neck. He had meant to pull him down into a much anticipated kiss, but as he noticed that Edward was staring at him with an unidentifiable expression on his face, he contented himself with gentle caresses of his thumbs against his lover's cheeks instead. "Is something amiss?" 

"Not at all." Edward answered softly and gifted him another of those smiles that made John melt on the spot. 

"If you should decide that you would rather not..." 

"Then I have surely gone insane." Edward cut him short and lowered his lips until they finally met Johns. Chastely, at first, simple pecks against familiar lips, until John felt his tongue flick out and against his partner's bottom lip. With a surprised moan, Edward let his mouth fall open, welcoming John inside. It felt unusual when their tongues touched for the first time, wet and alive, but John soon decided that this was the best sensation that he had experienced in his whole life. He felt like each fibre of his body was singing a song that only Edward could understand. Together, they created the most exquisite duet ever heard, and John could not get enough of it. They took their time to explore each other's mouths, just as they did with everything else. There was no need to rush things. Curious tongues slid against each other and tasted what they had to offer, the whole scene painted in calming amber light. 

The layers between them had to go. Wistfully, John pulled his hands from Edward's hair which had been thoroughly combed by his loving fingers. As he fumbled to open the buttons of the other man's coat, Edward had already been tugging at his collar for some time and proceeded to cover each newly revealed inch of skin with hot kisses. Not being able to see what his hand were doing certainly didn't make it any easier for John. Despite both of the men having worn the same cut of uniform for years now, it was suddenly frustratingly hard to remember where all those buttons were located and how one was expected to undo them. It did not help that Edward had uncovered his collarbone by now and was alternating between licking and sucking along the sensitive area. 

John buried his face in the dark hair of his companion, biting back a moan as the sweet sensations made him feel lightheaded. His pants were growing tighter around him. The faint memory of a guilt he should have felt at the thought flashed through the back of his mind for a second, but he wanted nothing more than for Edward to touch him _there_ , to feel his hand where none other would ever be allowed. 

With a triumphant gasp, he finally undid the last button of the jacket and pushed it off Edward's shoulders like the unnerving nuisance that it was. 

His own jacket was the next thing to go. Before he knew it, strong hands were being pushed under his shirt, making him gasp for cool air. He shivered, not because of the cold but because of the feathery touch of roaming fingers against his chest.They glided up his sides, danced over his navel and travelled up north until they stopped an inch from his nipples, only to encircle and tease them. His eyes fluttered close at the touch. 

"Do you like this?" Edward growled with a low voice, revealing a side that John had never seen before and that seemed infinitely precious to him, knowing that no other man was allowed to see it, too. "Tell me what you like. Tell me what you _don't_ like. I need to know." 

"All. All of this." John stammered. Swallowed. Searched for words that made any kind of sense. "I like everything you do to me." 

"Good." With this, Edward pulled John's shirt off him, exposing him to the air and his eyes and lips that graced ever so slightly over his hardened nipples. 

John drew breath like he had been floating under the frozen sea for minutes. 

All he still knew was that _his_ hands were over him now, all over him, caressing every piece of flesh they could find as if he was something divine. He pushed his head deeper into the pillow, eyes closed, and his whole body surrendered into the touch, if only because he had lost all ability to move. 

Edward shifted beside him, followed by a cool draught. When John opened his eyes, he could see that he had gotten rid of his own shirt and was moving onto him now, soon straddling his hips and leaning down to claim his lips once more. There were strong muscles against his own, bare skin touching, and it felt _so damn good_ to share in the warmth of another living being. 

John did not expect this when he let his hands stroke along his lover's sides, but when they travelled lower, he suddenly found himself holding the other man's bare backside, revealing that Edward had rid himself of more layers than John thought. 

He let go with a gasp as if he had touched something forbidden that was not meant for the hands of John Irving. 

Edward leaned back, his breathing ragged and a frown on his forehead. "Don't do that again." 

"Oh, I'm... terribly sorry..." John felt the blood rush to his face and his heart sink. He would not have touched Edward in a way that was unpleasant for him, he would not have done it if he had known... 

One eyebrow lifted on the other man's face, this time accompanied by a grin. "I meant letting go of me. Now get your hands back where they belong." 

John could not help his mouth falling open at the words he had just heard. Coupled with that devious grin, they sent a jolt to his loins and left him shuddering. He quickly did as he was bidden and soon felt his upper body being pulled up into a sitting position and a deep hug. Now that he had a better view of Edward, he could indeed confirm that the man was as naked as God had created him. 

And what a masterpiece of a creation he was! 

By now, John's face must have been glowing as red as coals. 

Edward waited, demure and silent under the gaze of his beloved. 

John could not have known that he was just as insecure as himself, otherwise we wouldn't have taken such a long time to admire the build of his partner before he finally leaned in to whisper those three words into Edward's ear that had the power to change the world: "You are beautiful." 

A soft moan was the answer, and it sounded like music to John's ears. It all seemed so natural now, for them both to hold each other like this, for him to know what would come next. Still, he had to feel Edward's consent to be touched. This was one of the most intimate moments two human beings could experience, and Edward looked so terribly vulnerable before him that John just _had_ to make sure. 

A nod, as if Edward had read his thoughts, and John could not keep back any longer. Tenderly, he let his hand wander over Edward's chest, even lighter then when he passed a faded shrapnel scar on his belly from a previous battle, before it came to a rest on his abdomen. With gentle fingers, he took his length in hand, not moving, only taking in the feeling of holding him like this. The weight in his hand felt different, yet curiously similar to his own at the same time. This was good: he knew a few things about touching a man down there, how to give pleasure, because he had done it to himself in the solitude of his cabin. 

He began slowly stroking up and down as soon as he was sure that Edward would not object. How marvellous all the little twitches were that his touch painted on his lover's face! His other hand was wrapped around Edward's back so he could hold fast onto him. 

His own pants were painfully tight now. The rough cloth was rubbing against him, and with Edward so blissfully sighing and humming below him, he feared that he might simply finish into his underdrawers.

But before the pressure became too much, Edward grabbed John's hand and pulled it off himself.

"I could really get lost in this, but I think we have neglected you for too long now." he said, voice coarse from the struggle to suppress any louder moans that would have given them away to a world that did not understand. 

As Edward began to tug at John's trousers, he felt himself turning red once more and the reasonable part of his mind returned to its waking state. 

_'Like a schoolboy.'_ he thought, embarrassed by his own inexperience. _'Lieutenant Irving, a man afraid of fear and ashamed of shyness.'_

Deciding that it was probably best to hide his blush, he lowered his head and began to fiddle with the buttons of his pants until they slipped open and he could pull the fabric down. 

His face was scolding hot as he felt his erection settle against his thigh now that it was freed from its constraints. He swallowed hard, pressed his legs together and crossed his arms over his lower half. It sounded so easy, to present yourself in front of a lover and let his gaze devour you. Edward had done it, but he had no need to worry, didn't he? His body being so well-toned from head to toe... 

"Hey." His thoughts were interrupted by the silent voice of the man who cupped his face and lifted his chin up. "What is it? Are you afraid?" 

John could not meet his partner's eyes as he nodded. 

_'So stupid. Childish. Ned would do good to get up and leave me sitting here.'_

Instead, his strong arms caught him and pulled him against his chest, harboured him and did not let go. 

"You need not fear a thing, sweetheart. You need not feel shame when you're with me." Kisses were scattered across John's hair, his cheeks, his forehead, and he allowed himself just to be held for a while, thanking God for this highest of all blessings - that he, of all people, should be allowed into the heart of Edward Little. 

When he felt like he could breathe again, he pressed a kiss to Edward's lips, chaste but long, saying everything he could not put into words. 

_'I trust you.'_

In the end, it took nothing but one heartfelt embrace to make John Irving feel free for the first time in his life. 

He relaxed under the hands that loved him so and let go. 

"You may look." he said and smiled shyly, knowing that Edward had restrained himself from letting his eyes wander so as not to cause the younger man distress. 

Edward's eyes filled with fondness at this. A smile lit up his face and he leaned back, drinking in every arch and curve that the body in front of him had to offer. 

"Perfect in every way." he whispered as he pulled the younger man close once more, nuzzling his earlobe. "My John." 

John's heart jumped, skipped a few beats, and then began racing with excitement as he felt himself being lowered into the sheets once more. It felt so easy to give in like this, to allow another to take hold of him and to give this gift of trust. Edward lay down beside him, propped up on one elbow, one leg entangled with John's. 

He became aware of the tension that had built in his body over the last two years when Edward let his hand brush over his shoulders and massaged them until John could feel himself easing into his beloved's touch. 

"You spoil me." he purred as his lids fluttered open and he was met by the same warm brown eyes that he saw in his dreams each night. But this time, it was real. Following an impulse, he reached out in one quick motion to pull Edward fully on top of himself. 

The surprised gasp that came from his throat was everything John had hoped for. He too felt like all air had left his lungs at the touch of one body against another. What made him throw his head back in a silent cry however was the sudden wave of pleasure that washed over him. Edward's prick had lined up with his own and was now lying warm against him. 

"Oh." Edward muttered, his face contorted in a rapt smile. 

"Oh." John echoed, his answer just as witless. 

Edward held still above him, yet both could feel the pulsing sensation where they touched. "Will you... let me move like this?" There was a crack in his voice, reminding John that this was new for Edward, too - a fact he easily forgot under the hands that worked such wonders. 

"Yes, please, Ned... please..." was all the answer that he could give, and it was enough. 

A first shaky thrust of Edward's hips and John was sent flying. Never could he have imagined a feeling like this, one hardness rubbing slowly against another, teasing little moans out of the man above him, rendering everything else irrelevant. The rest were hands and kisses and tongues, and it felt _so damn right_. 

The scene around them blurred like a blot of watercolour, changed hues, exploded in John's periphery like the dancing northern lights that painted the arctic sky. His sky, however, was Edward Little, and he was a thousand times more beautiful than any miracle of nature. 

"My dear, dear Edward..." he breathed, repeated the one name that his mind was still holding onto again and again like a prayer. 

The pace steadied into a gentle rocking rhythm, nothing rough or fast or desperate about it. John let his legs fall apart, allowing the other man more space between them, bringing them even closer together. At some point, their hands had found each other and came to rest on the pillow to both sides of John's head, fingers interwoven. They held eye contact whenever they didn't kiss, quiet now save for the little sounds of pleasure that they couldn't hold back. 

John was aware of how he looked, hair dishevelled and mouth half-open in a lewd display of passion, but he did not mind in the least. He did not mind it because he knew that Edward loved him anyway, perhaps even more for it, felt it in every roll of his hips and in each hot kiss. 

The orgasm hit him out of nowhere. John only felt it approaching when the muscles in his body were already contracting, hips jerking up in an uncontrolled motion as he frantically grabbed at Edward's arms, the first thing he could take a hold of. Fire spread from his loins, washed over his whole being as he emptied himself over both their bellies, leaving him writhing and shaking and whimpering, and he had never felt so good in his entire life. 

His mind went blissfully blank soon afterwards, when the pleasure had trickled away and left nothing but love in places where all other kinds of complicated emotions had resided before. The only physical sensation that he was still aware of was Edward's body above him, still heaving and grinding against him in search for release. 

"... oh God, my John, so sweet, my darling, to come for me..." 

He could barely make sense of the stream of words spilling from his lover's mouth, but he knew that Edward needed his help now, so he took him into his hand once more and followed his thrusts with pumping motions. It took merely five of those to carry him over the edge into that blissful place where John already waited for him. 

Edward collapsed with a sigh and buried John in the soft blankets underneath him - his weight not a burden but a welcome anchor. After their ragged breaths had quieted down, both men simply lay there, bodies entangled and gone completely still. Neither would have disturbed the peace of this moment, minds united without need for words, breathing in unison. 

A single tear rolled down John's cheek, not one of sadness but of bliss, _relief_ , and Edward kissed it away with lips that could heal a soul already thought beyond saving. 

John Irving had been found after years lost within his own mind, and every single second had been worth the wait. 

**Author's Note:**

> *throws this fic at you and goes back into hiding*
> 
> I'm a bit nervous to publish something in this fandom because every other fic is SO DAMN GOOD, but I just had to write something for these two boys! This pairing deserves far more love and now I have done my part.
> 
> (I also started writing the story of how exactly these two became a couple, this just wanted to come out first)


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